Death Threats

Chief Russian Spy Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin has claimed he knows exactly who betrayed his spies in the USA and Cyprus... and has stated that their ends will come "lying in a ditch".

It beggars belief that a head of state can make such bladdy blatant death threats against individuals in other nations. We all remember what happened to former Russian spy Litvinenko, murdered in a British hospital for revealing murderous truths about Putin's conduct.

I await more news on the mysterious, unnamed "traitors" at whom Putin has taken aim. In the meantime, your beloved author will be spending some time hidden away in an underground bunker, on entirely unrelated business.

Recent Spy Flood

The recent arrest of eleven Russian Spies, ten in the USA and one in Cyprus, has brought the issue to the forefront of people's minds.

Or, rather, it should have done. However, the media fixation is not, as it should rightfully be, on the terrifying fact that our beloved NATO is suffering from an infestation. No, the obsession seems instead to be on one Russian spy in particular!

Anna Chapman, professional stooge, was one of many. And yet, by benefit of having breasts, she has captivated the British press! Eclipsed the ten other subversives! Captured the hearts and minds of sexually aroused, Daily Mail-reading James Bond fans!

"Femme Fatale", they call her, before delving needlessly into her private life, snuffling around for dirty little secrets. Picture the middle-aged Mail reporters, huddled over their PCs, trying to reconcile their sexualised Bond fantasies with real life, touching themselves under the desk before sending off their columns to the editor.

That said, don't get me wrong. Even the best of us can have our imaginations captured.