Missile defence network scrapped; Russian spy business suffers

Russian spies everywhere were left with an identity crisis a few days ago. A lot of soul-searching was required when US President Barack Obama declared he would scrap the European missile defence network in its current form, and come up with an alternative, involving the Russians in a pro-active role.

Needless to say, Chief Russian spy Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin was unsure how to react when the US President unpredictably gave him what he wanted. Vladimirovich had been arguing for the defence system to be scrapped for years, citing pathological paranoia as his main reason, but he never expected anyone to listen to him.

Hundreds, perhaps millions of Russian spies had been employed on the case, throughout Europe. Now jobless and hungry, the positive move comes as a huge blow to the now unemployed Russian spy masses. With the necessity for spying plummeting, this will likely be the start of an unemployment crisis in Russia, where 95% of the population get into the spying business.

Spies made redundant in Moscow

One ex-spy told the Weblog; "This is just bloody typical of the American swine. First, they draw up this missile defence system, so we [Russia] have to keep operating this ridiculous spy network to keep an eye on them. Then, as if drawing up the plans wasn't bad enough, they scrap them! I had a job, once- Now I'm redundant, thanks to them. Everyone I know was in the spy business. And everyone they know".

Former Prime Minister of Lithuania was Russian Spy

In 1990, a whole string of countries declared their independence from Russia. Lithuania was always assumed to be among them.

Actually not so much. The lady elected to be the first Prime Minister of the country after its "independence", Kazimira Prunskienė, was a Russian spy all along, it has epically turned out. A Lithuanian commission today concluded that Russian spyery was the only sensible conclusion to come to, confirming the suspicions of many... (including this Weblog; we are proud to once again have correctly predicted the outing of a Russian spy!)

Russian Spy of Lithuania, Miss Prunskienė, spying on something just behind our cameraman.

Allegations of blatant spy activity had been thrown at the good lady (known lovingly as "The Kremlin's Candidate") during her tenure, but she somehow succeeded in winning the following court battle. Emboldened, she then tried and failed to be elected for the Prime Ministership of Lithuania again, most likely attempting to pick up her spying activities where she left off.

Russian spies often suffer withdrawal symptoms, and many return to spying years later. It seems that Miss Prunskienė, suffering strong withdrawal symptoms, could stay away no longer from the international spying circuit. We hope she has a speedy recovery from her addiction, and wish her the best of luck in any future ventures, whether spy-related or not.

As a world leader, Kazimira Prunskienė is one of the most impressive Russian spies we have seen in a long time, since the golden days of "Reds under the bed". She stands alongside the greats, such as the head of the Estonian defence network Hermann Simm, and novellist Earnest Hemingway. We salute the good lady in her work.

Her website: http://www.prunskiene.lt/lt/

Saakashvili hit by shoe; Pravda orgasms

One of the primary targets of Russian ire these days is Georgian president Mikheil Saakashvili. Last August, after all, Saakashvili launched an attack on South Ossetia and Abkhaza, hoping that the Olympics would distract chief Russian spy Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin long enough for him to get away with it.

He didn't get away with it.

Ever since forever, Putin state mouthpiece Pravda has been leading the assault on President Saakashvili. This is why when Saakashvili was hit in the head with a shoe during a visit to the Abkhazan region, Pravda could scarcely hold in it's joy.

It must have seemed like an early Christmas for the newspaper, which is understood to be a venerable warren of Russian spies.

Pravda's Greatest Hits:

"Two Russian nuclear submarines will make the USA shake with fear!"

A rundown of reasons that women become prostitutes; "14% a wish to lead a careless lifestyle, 6% natural predisposition".

"Moscow Gay clubs to be moved to deserted islands"

Embarrassing Attempt at Spying by Dutch "Spies"

Russia has long monopolised the international spy trade. This is unsurprising, as 95% of the country's population gets into the business, and almost all of the Russian budget is used for spy creation and training.

However, the true extent of the chasm between the superior abilities of Russian spies and their non-Russian excuses for counterparts was revealed during the MAKS 2009 airshow in Moscow this August.

The airshow culminated in an espionage scandal, as the Russian Federal Security Service (widely known under the pen-name KGB) found two Dutch spies sauntering into a confidential military hangar. This lazy attempt at espionage is the latest in a long line of amateurish spyings from the West and even China. In 2008 alone, the FSB/KGB arrested 149 so-called "spies".

A hangar, possibly Russian, definitely confidential

The Weblog of watching and supervision for global Russian spy activities welcomes any attempts at spying that the countries of the world wish to make. However, they really must be of a certain quality.

The DDOS: "We are not your enemies!"

Many are already aware of the incident last week for Twitter and many other websites going down and being inaccessable. It is known technically as a "щебет-перерыв" (Twitterbork), and some had suspicions that it had been an attempt by the Russian Federation to silence a single lone Georgian blogger.

If the incident really did involve Russian Spyware, then it is of the utmost interest to the Weblog of watching & supervision for global Russian spy activity.

It would truly fascinate us to know if the Twitterbork was the latest in a long line of Russian internet attacks, which have been responsible for such notable overreactions as the one against Estonia's government, or the one targeting Georgia's tie-eating President Mikheil Saakashvili.

However, only the other day, the Russian Spy Watch was taken down from the internetscape. Access to "blogger", the control centre of the Russian Spy Watch Network, was restricted and Comrade Ilyich was denied to be allowed in for a long while.

It is with this background that Russian Spy Watch wishes to send the following message to the operators of the Russian Spyware: We are not your enemies! I seek only to understand you!

Russian Spies and the Missile Defence Network

Today's news are concerning the Czech government's finding of two more Russian spies in the Russian embassy. In the Czech Republic, Russian spies are more common than cats and the latest expulsions will hardly make a dent-- it is more of a political gesture and message that Russian spies should keep espionage to a bare minimum.

The dramatic expulsion of the two men, who worked as diplomats but held second jobs as Agent Provocateurs, was seen by Russian foreign minister Sergei Lavrov (left) as an unfriendly act. He promptly threw out two Czech diplomats in a 'sophisticated political reply' EUPHEMISM.

The espionage concerns the USAmerica's missile defence network, strongly opposed by chief Russian spy Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. It is alleged that Russian spies, described as "on the loose" by Czech counterintelligence, went far beyond their usual spying duties in attempting to whip up opposition to the network in the Czech Republic.

The Russian Embassy in Prague, a venerable warren of Russian spies.

Russian spies have a considerable presence in the former Soviet republics like the Czech one. The Czech Security Information Service characterised Russian spies as "extremely active" in the Czech republic, and noted that Russian spy activities were at "exceptionally high intensity". A Russian spy identification handbook is thought to be on the horizon to address this problem.

"The Russians are Treacherous"

(Title: Old Turkish saying)

Russian Spy Watch has for some time had its eye on America’s Republican Party (Russian:Республиканская партия), a party widely regarded as infested with Russian spies. This is perhaps why today’s news is so aback-taking.

It concerns the Russian Spyish nature of Strobe Talbott, the man who served for seven years as Bill Clinton’s Deputy Secretary of State (DS of S), as well as advisor to the 2008 presidential campaign of Hillary Clinton. This perhaps suggests that the Democratic Party (Russian:Демократическая партия) is almost as prone to Russian infiltration as the Republican one.

Not even we expected DS of S Strobe Talbott to be operating as a Russian Spy-- and we have often been accused of flagrantly overstating the probabilities of people spying for Russia.

The man had infiltrated a respectable list of organisations, including Yale University, Brookings Institution, and TIME magazine, as well as the Democratic Party and of course the Government. Whatever the reader’s leanings regarding the subject of Russian spying, such achievements must be admired.

Impressive Russian Spy Strobe Talbott

Earlier this year, perhaps attempting to turn the tables, the Russian government made a surprise move in accusing the US of operating spies, perhaps to distract attention from its own horrendous spying record. Though these accusations may well be true, we at Russian Spy Watch believe the USAmerica has a long way to go to catch up with Russia in terms of spying.